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If I had already finished writing a book on marriage, I would be able to feel better about today’s topic. The reason? I feel like there’s much to cover before getting to this point, yet, this point is one that simply can’t wait.
The danger? You don’t really know me (yet). Certainly, I am only portraying who I am in all sincerity, but I’m also not foolish enough to think those listening may (and, rightfully, should) be suspicious of the life I present here online. We’ve seen so many who turn out not to be who we thought they were based on all that we were privy to. So, there’s that unavoidable cauldron of sorts. And I fully realize it.
That said, I’m going to go forward with what’s on my heart today…the lone chapter without the supporting pieces. Feel free to poke around the blog for lingering parts of the story-important topics that belong altogether when talking about marriage, just the same as today’s.
I was looking at the word “worn” in scripture today.
Job was worn: Surely, God, you have worn me out; you have devastated my entire household. … Surely now God has worn me out; he has made desolate all my company. …
David was worn: Psalm 6:6 I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears.
Friends, I know many of you can relate when it comes to your marriage. You’re worn out. Years ago, at some point-and I think I’ve mentioned it before, too-I read about a wife who was feeling the same way. As best as I can recall, the story begins with the fact that she had faithfully carried the same weight of burden for so long. She loved the Lord. She wanted so badly for her husband to love her like he once did, or like she wished he did. At first, the problems didn’t weigh so heavily on her; she picked up the burdens of her marriage…and she kept doing life.
I am not sure what it was. Could it have been an absent husband? I know my military friends feel this void, but you know what? So do my friends married to men who have confused the notion of cleaving and they’re married to their job instead of their wives.
Possibly the weight that beset this woman was more along the lines of impossible demands. Raising a family, keeping the home-or herself- perfectly put together as it once was. What once was in a new time of life easily becomes unattainable with children underfoot. Too many night’s dinners aren’t ready on time no matter how much good intention and preparation went into making it so. Maybe the heaviness she felt was due to the continuum of things like these, or any other, unmet (ridiculous) expectation. Who knows, but they had been wearing her down for years.
Finally, eventually, without warning, she broke. No longer could she hold up the weight of these otherwise doable issues. It wasn’t that they had grown heavier. Like most husbands who are left scratching their heads when the camel’s back breaks, he wonders why? Nothing has changed (and it sure had not), so why all of the sudden does his wife break?
You see, it isn’t the problems that grow and change. The husband who would rather work, or travel, or hang with the guys…or any of the things that continually tell his wife of her little worth in his heart and life, sort of is left dumbfounded when the weight of carrying this burden overtakes his wife’s ability to keep on doing so.
What happens when you pick up 3lb weights in each hand? We’re not weaklings. If we’ve borne children, we know our arms are certainly capable of bearing much greater weight. Yet, when we hold fast to those weights-even if we pick them up and put them down repeatedly- what happens next is universal. Over time, that little weight becomes much, too much. Just as carrying the little things that weigh us down time and time again does in our marriage. Even when we are mindful of taking our burdens to the Lord (and remember talking about how Christian women feel silenced in asking for a friend to help carry these things? Having help carrying our burdens to the Lord is important to our spiritual health, and it goes even beyond to our physical and emotional health), in the process of picking up, holding, carrying and giving them to the Lord, our arms grow weak and at some point, we give out.
We just can not hold the problem for one more second.
*HERE is where all those other chapters fit in. How we certainly should take our burdens to the Lord, how to respond when we’re wronged, how to find joy in the Lord, how to forgive when etc. All of the missing titles, paragraphs and sentences really need to fill this space, however, as I started out-that’s not today’s topic.
Today? Today I want to know, how heavy do those little things feel to your arms? Are you worn? Have you grown weaker and weaker to the point of giving out-of giving up? Today, it’s you who I want to say this next thing.
Sister, I know you love the Lord and I understand how hard marriage can be when you’re trying to do everything right. Are you ok? I hear the cry of your heart and I see the effects of holding the weight of your marriage problems for so long. I know it hurts, it feels lonely and seems there is no good thing between what you know is reality in your marriage (even if no other person does) and what you hope with all your heart it would be.
How can I help you right now?
I am talking to those who know the Lord loves them, and who have heard about or at least some of those missing chapters I’ve referred to. You *know* there is hope in the Lord…but right now, it feels pretty hopeless. Worse yet, you may feel like you don’t even care if it is hopeless; caring is too hard.
I read something earlier today from one of my favorite women, Elizabeth Elliot, (who also said, “Of one thing I am perfectly sure: God’s story never ends with ‘ashes.”):
The life of faith is lived one day at a time, and it has to be lived-not always looked forward to as though the ‘real’ living were around the next corner. It is today for which we are responsible. God still owns tomorrow.”
Elisabeth Elliot (Dec 1926 – June 2015)
That’s true. We have only today. And today, God is with us. Your Heavenly Father loves you, He’s with you and He’s for you.
Psalm 3:3
But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head.
Psalm 84:11
For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.
Indeed, you will bless the righteous one, LORD, like a large shield, you will surround him with favor.
So, it’s ok -even when your arms are tired, when you’ve given out from the weights that you’ve been carrying for so long, when you’re flat worn from your “in real life” life’s reality to still, right now, today, keep walking uprightly-not for your husband, but for yourself.
God is for you. I’m cheering you on, Friend.
When you lie your head down and all the thoughts of hopelessness come firing at you from the evil one himself, remember God’s Words. Put the weights down. Believe. Rest. God is with you.
