How to know God’s Will When Marriage is Hard*

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*Disclaimer: I am talking with Christian women who are in a season of hard times in marriage. Those who are not safe or are being abused should seek immediate help and biblical wisdom for your dire circumstances. My prayers are for you to be safe and smart; it’s not ok to stay with someone who is hurting you, and you need a plan to be safe. Call someone. Tell someone trustworthy, and put together a plan.

Marriage is hard sometimes

Friends, let’s not pretend marriage isn’t hard sometimes. Furthermore, let’s not dismiss hard seasons of marriage as always two sided. There is wisdom in the truth of a good marriage being 100% to 100% (instead of the dangerous fallacy of 50/50), so I know I’ll swim against the flow here, but I believe marriage problems really can be incredibly seated on the side of just one. What I know from 31 years of marriage & being surrounded by Christian women whose hearts I’ve listened to spill over earnestly seeking understanding and help is that sometimes we are zero percent responsible for the condition of our struggling marriage. Sometimes, Sisters, we stand alone in the knowledge that there is even a problem. I’m not sure how, but many husbands are oblivious to the problems in their marriage which stem from their own doings! We feel frustrated and helpless. Maybe you’re there now.

There is hope, always there is hope, and there is joy for us, too . That hope, that joy is worth finding.

~Tamara | www.agirlinthemiddle.com

There is always hope

For those of us who know the Lord, we have to also realize, despite our feelings, we are not alone. We were created on purpose and with a purpose in life. This valley we’re caught in the depths of may be dark, and it maybe lonely, but we can’t let it blind us to the fact that there’s a reason to keep living. No matter how desperate it seems, how bad it hurts, the absolute truth is there’s still a divine plan for our lives- even in our hard circumstance. There is hope, always there is hope, and there is joy for us, too . That hope, that joy is worth finding.

You are not alone

How do we know what God’s will is when we’re there in the middle hard times in our marriage? If we look to the world, we quickly realize its answer is to seek our own happiness and to put up with nothing from our husbands. We’re worth more than that, right? The answer is YES, we are worth more than we realize, we’re worth the cost of God’s only Son being nailed to the cross for us. That’s the most more we can get, right? But also, NO. The world’s drive to seek our own happiness does not line up with scripture. We learn from the Lord not to live a life of selfishness, to not hang our hat on happiness hill, and to not hold grudges and harbor unforgiveness in our hearts. Easily, the world’s idea of tossing out a marriage so flippantly is not supported by God’s Word.

It’s really about Him

However, Christian wives have been beaten up with the ill ideas of submission. I think this is one of the most misunderstood concepts and instructions in all of scripture. Let’s save that large topic for another time. (For the record, I fully support biblical submission which is graciously displayed to us throughout scripture in the relationship between Jesus and His Heavenly Father.) Friends, God loves you and me no less than He loves our husbands. By His own design there is no one more pro-marriage than God Himself, but we err to think our marriage union is most important in our Christian walk and life. There are a lot of passages in the Bible which speak to how we as a woman seeking God should live, and loving our husband is certainly important in that, but our life in Christ is not mostly about him, our husbands; it’s really about HIM, our God.

Christian wives have been beaten up with the ill ideas of submission. I think this is one of the most misunderstood concepts and instructions in all of scripture.

~Tamara | www.agirlinthemiddle.com

How do we know God’s will in the midst of disappointment

When we find ourselves in that pit of despair and hopelessness, what should we do? How much do we suffer? How long do we wait? How do we know what God’s will is for us in the midst of disappointment and hard times in our marriage?

Here are 10 ways to know God’s Will when marriage is hard:

10 Ways to know God’s will when marriage is hard

1. We remember whose we. (John 1:12)
2. We turn away from foolish advice. (Proverbs 12:15)
3. We turn to the Lord as ask Him to first search our own heart. (Psalm 139:23)
4. We seek forgiveness where forgiveness is needed. (I John 1:9)
5. We make wise choices such as forgiveness. (Matthew 6:14-15)
6. We tell ourselves the truth and quit believing our feelings. (Proverbs 3:5)
7. We take our focus off of our husband. (Matthew 10:33)
8. We set our focus on the Lord. (Hebrews 10:23 )
9. We choose to find joy in Christ. (John 15:11)
10. We learn to love the Lord, first, with all of our heart and soul. (Luke 10:27)

We are just scratching the surface of the wealth of wisdom the Lord gives us through His Word. If you want to dive deeper into who you truly are in Christ and ways to really know God’s will for your life when marriage is hard, sign up here for my free mini-course where we will start our journey together: Empowering Women to Find Joy and Live Faithfully in the Midst of a Disappointing Marriage.