Mom, Don’t Leave
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Let me tell you!
I thought I’d grown out of telling others what to do. Trust me when I tell you, I was really good at this as a much younger me. Spoiler: Mom, don’t leave.
Today I am going back. I’m going to tell you what to do.
Today I am talking to the women who are struggling to hang in there with their children.
This isn’t a place of judgement. I come from a place of understanding beginning almost 27 years ago when I held my oldest in my arms for the first time. Here is a place void of ignorance and full of grace considering the struggles of parenting, mothering…life-ing.
The Hard places of life
Believe me, I’ve been in the hard places of life-sometimes more recent than I want to admit. Today, Mommas, shut the door and listen in.
Don’t leave.
I don’t mean don’t leave physically-well, I do if that’s where you find your feet heading. Don’t go there.
A few years ago I sat with a couple women– hours on end each week. We met in a coffee shop with three of our children busily working and playing along side. I’ll share another time how the Lord turned my heart toward teenagers years prior, but for now suffice to say, one of these two teen girls grabbed hold of my heart in a big way.
The Struggle is real
People change and time passes. The Lord took me a different direction and I no longer had contact with those two women or this precious young girl. Fast forward, a few weeks ago I found myself again pursuing social media wondering if I could find her, see if she was ok, and learn what she was up to…all the same thoughts which had never left me over the last 6 years.
It wasn’t the first time I’d looked for her, but it was the first time I found her. My heart was both thrilled and crushed at the same time. For each of us, the struggle may be different, but the struggle is real! She was struggling.
Still.
What I knew of her home life as a younger gal wasn’t great. Her family lived within an affluent area and she resided in a spotless home. Her adopted mom was a sweet woman with many struggles of her own. Certainly, if there was any abuse, it was dubious, even difficult for another adult to recognize and name. At the least, it wasn’t emotionally healthy.
Abandoned
First abandoned by her mother in a far away country, and now, the same end where hopes fell through the earth beneath her feet.
Although I watch very little TV, I was in the room when American Idol was premiering the newest season. Did you see it? Sweet and beautiful DJ Johnson, one of TEN children. Her dad, a worship leader, ah-go watch this.
Paying attention to the way my words sound
Above all, Moms, when we are PRESENT, our words matter so much. I’m the first one guilty of not paying attention to the way my words sound. I can be very direct, super honest and lack a kindness in my tone even to the ones I love the most.
This gorgeous young lady is crushed. The words to her original song on the tip of so many who, like her, feel disposed of by the one person who should be the quintessential model of safety and love; her mom.
Hear DJ Johnson’s heart
I’ll do my best with her lyrics, forgive me if they’re not exact and be sure to know these are her words, not mine. Grab a box of tissues and hear DJ Johnson’s heart.
You didn’t care when you walked out that door
looking back you never loved anyone but yourself
how could I have been so blind
we all see through you, and your lies
how could a mother be ok
leaving scars on her children
how could a woman be ok
leaving her husband heartbroken
I’ve heard that time heals all wounds
well I’m running out of patience and I’m so confused
American Idol Audition DJ Johnson
Genuine Compassion
Just watching it again leaves me undone. That night, the three AI judges showed genuine compassion to her and that cheered on my heart so much; I hope it did hers. But her dad. He’s been first seat through it all. He’s felt the pain from his daughter’s poetic verse, “How could a woman be ok leaving her husband heartbroken?”
A Parent’s Pain
What every good parent knows, is the pain our children feel lives somewhere inside us, too. This amazing man, standing there by his daughter’s side, encouraging her and edifying her, is harnessing a broken heart for each of his children. His love for his children is evident and palpable across the media waves.
The pain we watch our children go through and have no power to diminish is agonizing for a loving parent. My mom loved us all with all she was. And I know, while we all had our own tears to shed growing up, they were a little fraction of the ones she cried on our behalf.
Blessed Mom
We will probably agree that every child should have that kind of mom, a blessed mom:
Her children arise and call her blessed
Proverbs 31:28
… but in this fallen and broken world, they do not.
The Pain of the Cross
Can you imagine the pain of our Heavenly Father as He watched His Son, Jesus, endure the cross? The pain of the cross! The pain-that pain- He knew came out of a heart that loved YOU, and me, so much that He was willing to give His Son for our ransom.
Stop and think about that. He gave us His Son because of His love for US. Then, can you understand the pain He must feel to see any of His own hurting?
Life can get overwhelming
I think over the 30 some years of knowing, loving and helping young women. Absent moms, whatever the cause, leaves great pain. My heart throws my thoughts in every direction a spider spins her web right now, but I want to try and stay focussed here on moms.
Moms, life can get overwhelming. There ARE surely times when we are so affected in our own skin we can hardly catch our breath.
Take the time to catch your breath
Take the time you need to get though that well. No matter our circumstances, as adults we get the privilege of having maturity on our side and telling ourselves we can and will get through our trials. When they’re simply TOO much, we can get help. And if you’re in that space right not, do that. Get help. And get biblical, godly, wise help. Reach out to Focus on the Family for their call hotline for counseling help.
When life stinks and our hearts sink
For the rest of us who aren’t in need of professional counseling for an urgent crisis, how does a woman who wants to run away from her problems continue to be a loving mother?
When life stinks and our hearts sink, or when we want better, much better- or different, but are stuck “here,” at times like these, how do we love when we feel unloved and unloving?
How do we earnestly love our children when we don’t love ourselves?
When no-one is being good to us
How do we love?
When there are so many pressing responsibilities on our shoulders, How do we love, and show our love, to our children? Is it even possible to show up to be a good mother when it seems no-one is being good to us?
Those are good questions. And we are going to address them each week, so be sure you’re subscribed here to get updates.
Joy in the journey
Friends, your children are worth your sacrifice. I promise, there’s joy to be found in the journey!
Today, my message is: Don’t leave.
Don’t leave
Your cries are heard from my keyboard. I feel your desperation.
Over the years, I am sure I’ve heard the same from moms like you around the country and sitting over a cup of coffee. Please don’t feel like your very real struggles don’t matter, they do!
Yet, there simply are so many variables to consider in good mothering, and just no way one blog post or podcast could even attempt to cover them. But hang on, because we will do that. Be sure to email me-link in tabs- if you have specific questions, and I’ll do my best to address them.
In the meantime, though the struggle is real, don’t leave your children. Let me give you a ways you can hang on when the going is tough.
Because our children’s perception to us leaving looks different than a door closing silently behind us. This is how we can love our children through a season of personal hardship.
Ten things you can do today to make through the hard times.
- More Jesus. Psalm 29:11
- Think on these things. Philippians 4:3-9
- Do what you know is right even when you don’t want to. Proverbs 16:11
- Rest in safety with the Lord. Psalm 46:1
- When surrounded by trouble, cry out to Jesus. Psalm 140:6
- Be prayerful, Be grateful. Philippians 4:6
- Quit trying to figure it out yourself; trust the Lord. Proverbs 3:5-6
- Get out of God’s way. Let the Lord fight for you. Psalm 35:1
- Keep hope alive. God sees and will heal your broken heart. Psalm 147
- God’s grace is everything you need to keep on going! 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
More Jesus
Sounds simple enough, right? But it’s true. When we’re struggling to find peace in our lives, we need more of the Lord. Keep your mind focussed, not on your circumstances but on the Lord.
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
Isaiah 26:3
The LORD gives strength to his people; the LORD blesses his people with peace.
Psalm 29:11
Think on these things
And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers, whatever it TRUE, whatever is HONORABLE, whatever is RIGHT, whatever is PURE, whatever is LOVELY, whatever is ADMIRABLE-if anything is EXCELLENT-if anything is PRAISEWORTHY-think on these things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you
Philippians 4:3-9
Do what you know is right even when you don’t want to
When a man’s ways please the LORD, he maketh even his enemies to be at peace with him.
Proverbs 16:11
Rest in safety with the Lord
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Psalm 46:1
The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.
Psalm 9:9
Surrounded by trouble; Cry out to Jesus
Hear my cry for mercy when I call to You for help, when I lift up my hands toward Your holy sanctuary.
Psalm 28:2
I say to the LORD, “You are my God.” Hear, O LORD, my cry for help.
Psalm 140:6
Be prayerful, Be grateful
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.
Philippians 4:6
Quit trying to figure it out yourself; trust the Lord
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Get out of God’s way. Let the Lord fight for you.
Contend with my opponents, O LORD; fight against those who battle me.
Psalm 35:1
Keep hope alive. God sees & will heal your broken heart.
Yes, Praise the Lord, He HEALS our broken hearts!
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3
God’s grace is everything you need to keep on going! You are strong!
Remind yourself whose you are.
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Daddy’s Hug
The three Idol judges were left helpless as their broken contestant tried to muster through the painful words of her song. Taken by emotion and succumbing to the truth of her battle, knowing they had no way to console her, Luke Bryan asked if she wanted her dad to come in.
Young DJ’s father came through the door and onto American Idol’s stage. The adults explained she just needed moral support and a hug, but he didn’t need their words to know his daughter needed him, and how he could comfort her.
Before the words were out of their mouths, he had his daughter wrapped tightly in his arms, whispering the truths she needed to hear. He was just the support she required.
Watching from six feet away as Dad consoles his little girl with a huge hug, Lionel Richie casually says, “Nothing like Daddy’s hug.”
Fall into Abba Father’s arms, Sisters.
Don’t Leave
Friends, Mommas, don’t leave your children. The pain and fallout from that decision lasts a lifetime. Maybe you know that firsthand and reconcile it somehow in your own heart, but you know it’s not the best, if you’ve lived it, you have to. Fixing the hurt, the pain, the trouble now, is.
The things you’re missing and desparetly longing for will never come by walking out on your children. It will only serve to duplicate that void with the most vulnerable ones in your life.
Give the gift of peace and love to your children from the only woman God made their mother. They need it, Friend. The Lord wants that from you. And, He wants it for you.
He is able to get you there.
Ah, Lord GOD! Behold, thou hast made the heaven and the earth by thy great power and stretched out arm, and there is nothing too hard for thee.
Jeremiah 32:17
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.
Matthew 19:26
Fight or Flight
Oh, I know that flight response is a strong one!
Do these two things today
Today, I’m asking you to make two commitments:
1. You’ll work through (and not run from) life’s hard circumstances, and
2. You will not walk away from your family.
Talk to the Lord, and tell Him you’re ready for Him to help you do this. While we may not all struggle with the same things, we all struggle.
These ten ways to get through the hard times apply to every Christ follower. I’ll put myself at the front of this line.
I’m glad you’re with me.
Be sure to subscribe and I’ll send you a printable: 10 Ways to get through hard times.
