Coffee and a Cookie
Let’ start today with a cup of coffee, and a cookie, shall we? You don’t have to actually eat the cookie, but I need you to understand what I’m saying, or, better, what I am not saying here, and, well-cookies always help.
You deserve to be happy, life is short
Over the past 30 years I have listened carefully to women, mostly Christian women, talk of their struggles in marriage. I have listened, too, to what the world and the church has to say about the same. In the Christian realm of churches, counselors, respected leaders – women & men alike, we have heard what I think are two extremes regarding a marriage between Believers. On one side of the cookie we learn that marriage is for a lifetime, therefore regarding struggles outside of unfaithfulness, Christian women just need to be more (fill in the blank here) loving, forgiving, patient, sexual… Because, with the exception of adultery, divorce is not an option.
I can’t disagree with Scripture, I guess I could, but I won’t. The Bible does teach that divorce because of adultery is allowed, that’s certain (Matthew 5:32). But there are serious issues with the ordinary counsel of women being more anything as a crutch for their husband’s personal choices, (James 4:17).
For a moment, let’s flip the cookie to the other side. It’s the same woman, wife and marriage but the counsel we hear is much different. When we are irritated with our husband’s typical living choices (e.g. he’s a perpetual slob, he never wants to go out, he plays video games too much…), the common, unbiblical, (Psalm 119:36) counsel on this end says, “You deserve to be happy, life is short, and you should leave him.”
Sigh.
Stay and suffer or leave and be happy are the two sides of the cookie we are typically given as Christian women.
It’s where the topic of marriage issues and biblical counsel starts and ends on both sides. The first completely disregards the person/people that make up the marriage in favor of keeping the union of a Christian marriage intact. The flip side promotes self happiness above all whereby decrying the sanctity of marriage.
No wonder why so many God-fearing wives feel stuck, discouraged, confused and even depressed.
What, then, should a woman who loves the Lord do when she finds herself in the midst of a disappointing marriage? Is she doomed to be miserable day in and out in her efforts to stay married and honor the Lord? Is there any advice that is both biblical and hopeful to living a better life during these times?
You are not stuck, God loves you and has an abundant life for you to live. YES, yes, there is joy in the journey just like there’s another part to that two-sided cookie: the middle. Most will say it’s the best part.
And, because God.
Joy in the journey
Psalm 16:11
You will make known to me the path of life, In Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand are pleasures ever more.
The women I am talking to today
Between the extremes of- accept whatever is thrown your way, and tolerate nothing at all- there’s a soft middle. There, in the middle, are the women I am talking to today.
Is that you?
You love the Lord, you are safe from physical harm, your husband is not an adulterer (but maybe he has been), but you are disappointed in many ways regarding your marriage. You strive to serve the Lord and your husband well, but the same merry-go-round of unresolved and disruptive issues continue even though you have tried everything you know to try. You’ve read every book available and you speak in love with concerted effort but fail more and more. Therefore, you’re overwhelmed and wondering if, and if so, how, will this maddening cycle ever end. You have lost your joy. And, quite simply, you just don’t know how or what to do next.
If that’s you, I’m so glad and thankful you are here with me. I understand you!
Find your joy again
What if I told you there is hope? What if I could show you how to find your joy again, and live faithful to the Lord in the midst of a disappointing marriage? There IS hope. There IS joy. Together we’re going to learn how to live joyfully and faithfully through it…
Joyfully and faithfully.
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