{AUDIO version of this post.}

A Woman’s Worth:  

Scripture tells us who our husbands should be: a leader, provider & protector. He should be caring, loving, serving.  He is expected to be our companion, lover and partner.  

But that doesn’t mean the man you’re married to IS those things. It doesn’t mean that if we love God our husbands will automatically fill those expectations in our lives, does it? 

Has your joy been stolen? 

Many Christian wives find themselves feeling trapped in a marriage they don’t like. Their joy is gone. 

Their joy is gone!

Is it because other husband?  Sure could be!  (And a short disclaimer that needs to be heard loud and clear, if you’re in a marriage and are not safe, or don’t feel safe, please talk to someone and make a wise plan on how to be sure you are safe and what you need to do; staying in a marriage or with a spouse who is a danger to your life is not ok.  That’s first and foremost…nothing I am going to say, today of otherwise, advocates for wife staying in a marriage where she is not safe. Period.) Yet…there IS HOPE! 

It’s time to steal back your joy!

Friends, Christian, God-fearing, wonderful, loving women, It’s time!  It’s time to STEAL BACK YOUR JOY!

PROVERBS 31 Uncut

What a seemingly funny place to start when considering the truth of emptiness & heart-brokenness women feel in the void of a loving, flourishing-or even just a “not bad” marriage.  Don’t leave me here, tough. I really do know your place. My husband and I are inching our way to mile marker #32 years of marriage, and while I can’t this minute fill you in on all the details covering those years, I can tell you I understand your heart. And, there IS HOPE. 

The Virtuous Woman, she’s not who you thought!

So, humor me as I walk through Proverbs 31 and the well known virtuous woman. I don’t think you’ll have the same thoughts about her after we’re done today as you do right now. 

This is where we’re going to start. 

It’s time, friends, to STEAL BACK YOUR JOY! 

Proverbs 31:10-30

10Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11The heart of her husband does safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands.

14She is like the merchants’ ships; she brings her food from afar.

15She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16She considers a field, and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

17She girds her loins with strength, and strengthens her arms.

18She perceives that her merchandise is good: her candle goes not out by night.

19She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20She stretches out her hand to the poor; yes, she reaches forth her hands to the needy.

21She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.

24She makes fine linen, and sells it; and delivers girdles to the merchant.

25Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27She looks well to the ways of her household, and eats not the bread of idleness.

28Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.

29Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all.

30Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

31Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Let’s recap this Virtuous woman of Prov 31:10-30

10 Virtuous

11 husband trusts her, is complete w/her, nothing else needed 

12 Does her good all her days, consistent good not w/strings attached

13 she looks for things and ways to work for family’s good

14 she finds and brings food for household

15 she isn’t lazy; she sacrifices sleep for service

16 she FINDS ways to make money for when her family has a need            

17 she works hard and she is strong

18 she is pleased with the quality of her work

19 she makes things at home to serve and provide 

20 she gives to others…to the needy 

21 she’s not afraid: she’s secure in how and what she has done for her family

22 she cares for herself, how she appears/dresses, presents herself

23 husband has a good name/reputation because of her words

24 she makes/sells-busy being helpful for her family’s needs

25 strength & honor (dignity) covers her-she looks FORWARD to her future

26 she speaks w/wisdom and kindness (BOTH) 

27 she’s continually working on things her family needs

28 husband praises her, he knows the blessing she is (her children rise up and bless her)

29 she lives an excellent life: VIRTUOUS MORE than others| She is measured according 

to God’s ways

30 she fears the Lord: she is praised

Let’s look closer at the characteristics of this  virtuous woman. 

Characteristics of a virtuous woman

Constant in doing good

Trustworthy

Selfless

Hardworking

Ambitious 

Sacrificing

Providing

Servant heart

Willingly: an attitude of desire & willingness to doing good  (for her family)

Creative

Resourceful

Smart

Strong

Sacrificial

Satisfied

Diligent

Giving

Proud of her God-honoring accomplishments 

Not fearful

Put together, cares about how she presents herself physically

Helpful

Known of her good words of and about  her husband

Dignified

Hopeful 

Optimistic

Consistent

Persistent

Praise worthy

Excellent

Fears the Lord

Wise

Purposed 

Prudent

Discreet

Is that what you want in your own life?

I don’t know about you, but I think I have an idea, is there a characteristic in her presented here that you want to deny in your own life?    It’s not about our husbands, this virtuous woman is not a diagram of a man’s desires in a wife, it’s a beautiful picture of a woman who fears the Lord and all that flows out of her heart and life as she lives to honor HER GOD.  

What have you heard of her, this Virtuous Wife?

Now, for those who have been, or feel as if you have been, beaten over the head by the standard you should live up to for her husband’s expectation (or other women’s even! ),  what exactly does this passage say about our husbands expectation of this woman, this fictitious wife?   

{She’s an outline from a mother’s hope for her son in finding a godly wife.}

Note here that this passage was written as a description of what a godly wife would look like in her character to her son (most scholars agree this was written from a mother to her son so he would recognize a woman who fears the Lord and therefore be a good fit for the godly wife he would desire to build a family with).

A HUSBAND’S expectations

So, just how does this passage describe a husband’s expectations of his wife?  

It doesn’t.  At all.  

The Virtuous Woman is not her husband’s tick list!

Look at the 3 times HUSBAND is mentioned here.  

11 HUSBAND trusts her, is complete w/her, nothing else needed 

23 HUSBAND has a good name/reputation because of her words

28 HUSBAND praises her, he knows the blessing 

Look again at the husband’s involvement in Proverbs 31:10-30

Her husband receives and reacts to her lifestyle

He trust her, he basks in the great reputation she paves w/her words, he praises her. 

There is no pattern of husband desires, wife fulfills in this passage.

There is no pattern of husband desires, wife fulfills in this passage.  DOES a smart man want a wife who lives like this, a wife with these godly characteristics living out of and through her life/family?  OF COURSE he does…but it isn’t about him.

It isn’t about him!

A virtuous woman isn’t about how a wife treats her husband, but rather how a woman fears, honors, loves and lives for her Lord.  

A Virtuous Woman is a woman who fears the Lord!

Look back at those characteristics a virtuous women lives out.  Which of us wouldn’t want to be like her?  Let’s live for our God…let’s be her.

Let’s be her!