The Reason Oysters are Good for our Hearts

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Mistreated

Who are those who mistreat you?

I held my newborn baby in my arms freshly home from delivery; Mom was there, and Dad joined us a few days later. True to his often cynical nature, he said to me, “Honey, he’s going to break your heart.”

I would have-I DID- bet against that and for the next nearly 30 years I was right, mostly.

Only My Dad

Dad’s in heaven now, but I am still learning about him, about his life, all the time. I loved him so. Let me interrupt myself for a minute here to say, when you love someone fully and yet choose to recognize and face the reality of their shortcomings (which we all have) and the effects they have on you personally, that is not dishonoring or an unloving position. It’s not a fault but rather a wise and healthy response. There’s so much more to that thought, but for now I will leave it there.

Back to Dad…there I was beaming with joy waiting to hear Grandpa’s first words over my son. And as I would learn, …slowly, Dad spoke true to his own hurt and truer from the wisdom he’d lived. Both of which I was keenly unaware of at that time, and he spoke.

“Honey, he’s going to break your heart.”

Dad

A Parent’s Heart

Now, 29 years later, I can understand a bit more of hidden hurts from any seasoned parent, and how even the most loving mothers and fathers will feel a pain that may accompany parenting at times. However, it’s not what I wanted to hear, and it’s definitely now what I chose to believe.

Especially my firstborn pleaser. We never butted heads and rarely had any problems at any stage of his upbringing. I thought I’d skirted by life and solidified my dad’s stingy words to be as farfetched as I knew them to be way back when.

Except not.

What my father didn’t mean.

He didn’t mean he wasn’t in love with his grandson; he was the proudest grandpa. Sad thing about my dad, he never was able to overcome the deep-seeded hurts from his childhood abandonment, and it trickled into ever facet of his life relationships until the day he died. His broken heart left many others shattered in its wake. I’ll say it again, he loved this boy.

He didn’t mean I wouldn’t love him more than anyone who’d touched my life to that point. He’d watched my mom love her children, and her grandchildren. He knew the love of a mother in our family ran deep; deeper than he would ever understand, but one that he knew to be true.

Also, and this is what I am just beginning to understand, he didn’t mean my son would break my heart with one decision, one event, one mistake or any “one” anything. It wasn’t a charge to the straw waiting to be placed on the camel’s then broken back.

A Rite of Passage to Parenting

One last thought; he didn’t mean he would try to break my heart. Sometimes the most painful hurts are only evident to the receiver. Especially when it’s from our own children. No, this pain wouldn’t be about my son, but about my own heart. Maybe it’s a rite of passage to parenting, maybe it’s not.

It is painful, regardless.

What did he mean, then? Well, I can’t ask him anymore, but what I think he was trying to say is that one day my heart will be hurt by my son’s life in someway, even if it’s unintentional. Those hurts and pains will result from his own choices and life’s trajectory. And that pain is one only a parent who’s been there who can understand.

Is that right, Dad?

Sting of Death

Some days I especially long for another phone call, coffee conversation, hug, or time to just sit with my mom or dad. Days like that seem to be more frequent lately. The Lord is faithful to draw me closer to Him through the sting of death left in my heart without them here on earth.

Opposites Attract

My mom and dad were very different people. As a matter of fact, I think they were different in almost every way. Some by our Creator’s design, and some by their paradoxical upbringings. I guess it’s really true (and in my own life, too), opposites attract.

Dad Spoke

Dad spoke words Mom would never dream of saying. Though both of them lived with the pain of hurtful relationships, my dad didn’t know how to find-really he couldn’t accept- the love he forever longed for, but Mom knew how to forgive and see good in those she loved. She was a woman seasoned with grace and wisdom. Days and years (and now forever lost handwritten notebooks) were filled with Bible studies, prayers, and fellowship with other women who loved the Lord; she grew in her faith all the time.

Mom knew how to Pray

Mom knew how to pray, She knew to whom to tell her deepest secrets and where to take her pain: Jesus.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

Matthew 11:28-29

I fully believe we are still seeing, and also waiting, for the Lord’s answers to Mom’s, (Grandma’s), prayers.

He Will Break Your Heart

Dad’s words echo to my heart these days. But now I can look back over his and Mom’s lives and see what he meant. Sometimes it’s just going to be the result of loving a child with all you have…and it’s going to hurt. And it’s no fun.

Pearls

Earlier this week I saw a photo on social media of an open oyster lined with pearls on each side of its shell. The notion of pearls and pain grabbed my quickly glancing eyes and I noted to come back to investigate any truth in the article…when I had some free time.

Yesterday, one of my best friend’s read to me, unaware of the oyster post I had waiting for me, about pearls and how they’re formed. This led to quite a discussion about life, pain, how we deal with the pain and yielding to the Lord though it all in our lives that we may honor Him in our hearts, in our pain.

We should know and expect we will suffer in life. James, in fact, tells us we will.

Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. But endurance must do its complete work, so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing.

James 1:2-4

Maturity Takes Time

It’s true, maturity takes time. I have written about my younger years-and my growing years, before. You can read more about it here. No matter how we want to shake it, maturity takes time. That’s not to say that time is what makes someone mature. Yielding to God’s wisdom and allowing Him to work through our circumstances and in our hearts changes us and allows the growth that prerequisites maturity. A growth that continues to manifest until death, I believe.

Pearl Producing Oysters

Honestly, I’ve been fascinated learning more about oysters. For instance did you know, naturally, as designed by our Creator God, not just any oyster produces a pearl?

What Makes a Pearl?

I guess we should first talk about what makes a pearl. The common story is a grain of sand gets into the oyster and the process of pearl making begins. But I’ve learned through some google research, that it’s more often a parasite that intrudes the mollusk and thus starts the cycle of protection and healing whereby producing a pearl.

Characteristics of Pearl Producing Oysters

Taking those facts into consideration, not every oyster intrusion ends with a beautiful pearl. There are a couple characteristics unique to a pearl producing oyster.

Mature

One, maturity. Immature oysters do not produce pearls. Maturity is a prerequisite for pearl producing oysters and only mature oysters are able to make a pearl.

Intentional Healing

Two, intentional healing. Any oyster can be the recipient of its enemy. It’s what happens after the attack that makes all the difference.

Even though protected by a hard shell, the hidden, tender, inside of this creature is vulnerable to the corruption that lingers all around it, as it resides in its common and seemingly safe home.

As the enemy sets in, the oyster begins the process of covering that irritant with a soothing substance with the goal of complete healing. It will continue doing this for years. This is a wonderful example of intentional healing (and the work it takes).

This process is unique to a pearl producing oyster, because not all oysters choose to heal from the inconvenient circumstance of inner encroachment.

What are the odds of finding a pearl in an oyster?

1 to 10,000. The chances of finding a natural pearl in an oyster at a restaurant are very slim, but still possible. The chances of finding a gem quality pearl in an oyster? No less than 1 in 1 million.

The Pearl Source

The Pearl

Eventually, the nuisance of the enemy is overtaken by the patience efforts of this amazing invertebrate which endured time and persistently layered good over the bad resulting in a beautiful, valuable, pearl.

Contrarily, we can imagine, if left to fester, how such a breach of inner-turmoil ends. Furthermore, and too important not point out, only the oysters that have produced good quality pearls will go on to produce more pearls.

Pain in Life is an Easy Bet

What do Pearls Have to Do with Life?

Like pearls, like Dad said, like Mom prayed; life is full of irritants and we have a choice to make when they breakthrough our shell and begin to cause us pain where no-one else can see it.

Pain in our lives is an easy bet. vHealing from such pain is one of life’s greatest challenges.

So what are we to do when at our most vulnerable parts are hit with life’s trials causing our hearts to actually ache?

Bless and Pray

But to those of you who will listen, I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you…

Luke 6:27-28

We bless and pray for those involved. As do the oysters, we cover the intruder with good and ease the irritation.

We treat one another, in and through our pain, the way the Lord teaches us:

The Key to Bless(ing)

If you’re like me, you don’t get too far in these passages and wonder how you can bless the one/s from whom hurt is stirred in your heart. Well, the answer is right here. The key to bless(ing) is, Pray.
We bless others as unto the Lord, and HE will do with it what He chooses. For us, we are soothing the irritant deep within us, and we’re doing so with the balm of the Lord Himself.

Bless and Pray

Let’s not become discouraged in doing good, for in due time we will reap, if we do not become weary.

Galatians 6:9

Be patient. Bless and Pray. Wait on the Lord…a pearl is forming and it takes persistency and time, but it’s oh so valuable!