If I Knew Then What I Know Now

Share this encouragement!

What 3 decades of parenting and homeschooling have taught me.

I met a man

Not long after I graduated from college, I met and in quick succession married my husband. I still remember the excitement of that time, now nearly 35 years ago. Most of us can finish the following with great assurance: If I knew then what I know now… Am I right?

If I knew then

Though my heart’s passion is often for helping Christian women in their marriages, today there is something different on my heart. This time, the same fill in the blank is in effect, but as it relates to parenting. I’m still learning (each child is so different), but I’ve learned some things in the past nearly 3 decades the Lord has blessed me being Mom to my amazing children. (Thank You, Lord!)

I had a lot to learn

I always knew I would sacrifice whatever the costs and however I could manage to stay home when the Lord blessed us with a baby. But this young career woman had a lot to learn. If I knew then what I know now (and some just really good reminders):

• Holding babies is never a waste of time.
• A clean house is not a prerequisite to (graciously) welcoming a visitor.
• Bad days come (and go) whether you’re in an office building working, running errands/out grabbing groceries, or at home teaching and training up children for the Lord.
• Don’t blame life’s circumstances for life’s ebb and flow of joys/trials. (Check in with the Lord for changes needed, but hard things and difficult times don’t mean you’re doing life wrong. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, don’t forget!
• Training takes time.
• Training takes reminders. And do-overs. And atto-boys (girls)! And patience on every side.
• Discipline and punishment are not synonymous.
• Never has a woman been born who can be in two places at one time. Myself included. You, too!
• I don’t need to do everything.
• I cannot do everything.
• Delegating the things that don’t require my touch as “Mom” or “Wife” is wise. Keeping that list current is even wiser.
• Everyone doesn’t have to do things my way. I will refrain from repeatedly making this point on my list here, but not in my life regularly.
• Micromanaging is problematic to all involved.
• Character matters…starting with my own.
• Spilled milk, broken dishes…are accidents, not character issues (typically). Let it go.
• You cannot read good literature too often to your babies, toddlers…even teens.
• Doing right is always right. Always worthy. Always worth it. Don’t grow weary in well doing, your reward awaits!
• Children really do learn what they live. Pay attention.
• Forgiveness and grace are as necessary as truth, discipleship, and accountability. Don’t try to live without either side of the scales of balance in these life necessities.
• Life does not get less time-demanding the older the children grow.
• Older children/teenagers need our presence differently but just as importantly as do our babies. Don’t plan on being less busy with a lot more time on your hands as your children grow up. An empty nest will be here sooner than you know.
• Sacrifice is part of godly parenting (and marriage, and following Christ), and by definition, means “a loss.” Never has “well done” accompanied any of them without some sense of self-sacrifice and loss. Expect nothing less.
• Success and faithfulness are not necessarily intertwined. Be careful of which you reach and strive for; for yourself and for your children.
• Seeking and/or expecting perfection, from yourself or others, is the surest path to failure. Jesus alone is perfect. We all fall short: count on it!
• Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Sanctification through Jesus is ongoing. Learning to be a godly woman, wife and mom is a big part of the journey. We can’t put the cart before the horse, but we can trust the Lord to steer us in righteousness and holiness as we follow where He leads us.
• Asking for help is not a sign of inability or unwillingness. We are not alone in this life for a reason. Reach out when you need to. Help where you’re able.
• You’ll never have more time in your day. You probably won’t find the place where things calm down (wherever that is.) Learn to prioritize what matters most, beginning with your relationship with the Lord. From there, honor Him in who you are and what you do in this life He gives you. Everything else will then follow suit.
• Children do grow up in a blink of an eye. Our time with them under our wings, teaching them about the Lord when they rise, sleep, walk, talk, run, and live in our homes is a fleeting, divine assignment. Don’t fall for the evil lies of easier, wiser, better. Whatever it takes, stay on the path the Lord has designed for you, for them. It won’t last forever on this earth, but forever is the goal, eternally.
• There is always a reason to be thankful. Find it. Say it. Teach it to your children. Look forward to what blessings tomorrow will bring.

We will serve the Lord

But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”

Joshua 24:15